With Magnificence

I can just imagine the scene...

A busy Takashi Miike is summoned to the high reaches of an office tower and strides purposefully into a boardroom. Japanese and UK producers sit around a long oval table, eyes fixed on the director of some 80 titles in a mere 20 years.

Miike is respectful, but feels out of place in the offices of rigid studio filmmaking. He stands quietly until he is addressed by the head of Toho studios:

"Modern day audiences want nothing more than love stories, j-pop and schoolgirls. We need your help to bring us back to the halycon days of samurai films by the legendary directors of this great country."

"I'd love to help", says Miike, "but I've got 17 films in the pipeline. Then I need to figure out what I'm doing next year."

"Perhaps you don't understand the severity of the problem...". The Toho producer's voice trails off as he starts a short video showing scene after scene of young adults and teenagers from around the world talking about rom coms and teen idol showcases. Miike winces, but stands firm. Until, that is, he hears one young man say:

"Yeah, samurai films are OK, I guess, but they aren't really action films. Not like Michael Bay!"

He bows his head, pauses to gather his thoughts, then raises his eyes to look straight at the man from Toho and says:



"I will accomplish your wish..."



"...with magnificence."


And boy-howdy did he ever with "13 Assassins":






























I didn't even have to take any screenshots from the final half hour of the film...

In 60 Fractions of Megon...

I finally got around to watching Mario Bava's colourful outer space B-movie romp "Planet Of The Vampires" (or should I say "Planet of the Alien Fog That Turns Visitors Into Something Vaguely Zombie-ish"). I expect I'm not the first to mention the odd lack of blood sucking creatures from the film, so I'll leave it at that. It doesn't really matter what label some suit decided to slap on it since the film is quite wonderful in its look, feel and how it completely embraces what a good B-movie should be - making the most of low budgets, meager sets and goofy, stilted dialogue with a storyline that moves at a solid pace and still provides some unexpected moments.

My favourite moment, though, was this rather wonderful bit of scientific gobbledygook from early in the film:

Crew member into microphone:

"In 60 fractions of megon we'll start landing maneuver."

Automated voice over intercom:

"The intensity of the gravitational field will be maintained at the wave moment of force G7. Synchronize the meteor rejector on the electromagnetic control device. Apply neurovascular tension. Supress corticle areas x, y, z. Insert the automatic controls. We will keep a distance of 2 parsec from our sister ship Galliot."

I particularly like the fact that a parsec is actually 3.26 light years and their sister ship Galliot is orbiting the same planet they are.

Anyway, I had a great deal of fun with it and continue to love how Bava and his cinematographers use colour and lights to not only paint beautiful visuals but to bring a sense of discomfort and dread to the proceedings.

A few samples moments:

A Single Image #19

Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993 - Woody Allen)