October Horror 2012 - Chapter #7

This guy can't believe October is over, but I still have one more chapter left in my month's viewing to follow...


Pet Sematary (1989 - Mary Lambert) - A good half of this adaptation of yet another Stephen King novel is essentially foreshadowing. You know what's coming, you know how it's going to happen and you know what the result is going to be, and yet it takes its time getting there...That's mostly OK as you get a heaping helping of Fred Gwynne during the setup and those bits alerting you to what is to come are handled rather decently. After a new family moves into a house on a well-traveled road (with a single tank truck apparently driving by about 20 times a day), they discover a cemetery at the end of a path behind their house. With help from their kindly neighbour (Gwynne), they learn it's a cemetery for pets and it dates back hundreds of years. When the family cat gets munged on the road, he lets the father in on a special secret - a bit further afield from that cemetery is another one that provides some interesting side effects to those buried there. It has its goofy bits and Denise Crosby threatens to shut the whole damn thing down on her own, but it finds its rhythms here and there and manages to hold you until the eventual denouement which spirals nicely out of control.

Brainscan (1994 - John Flynn) - You really have to love those older films that played with the early home computers - whether they got the technology right or not, it's always great to see how little we expected the huge revolution that was just around the corner. Brainscan gets a bit of it, though, by centering the story around a interactive, virtual reality horror video game that sucks in shy teenager Michael (played by Edward Furlong). After being unimpressed with the sales pitch, he gives the game a whirl and suddenly finds himself tasked with killing some unknown sleeping man in his bedroom. Thinking it's all a game, he completes the task and can't wait to play the second part since it all felt so real. And then he sees a news story depicting the murder he just committed in the game. Is it real or was it just a game? He balks at playing again, but the virtual host of the game morphs out of his TV into his room and forces him to play several more rounds with more deaths piling up each time. It's a neat premise, but any dread or even general horror at the concept is diminished by the cartoon character Trickster (egads, what a terrible name). It does keep you in suspense as to how it will all play out and stays at a reasonable entertainment level (and provides Frank Langella as a cop on the case - so you've at least got that), but still very much a lesser effort.

Burial Ground: The Nights Of Terror (1981 - Andrea Bianchi) - Hoo boy...This film is seriously poorly done on so many levels that I lost count. The dubbing, the acting (of both the actors on screen and the voice over work), the random plot, the lack of tension, etc. But, and here's the thing, it still pretty much keeps you watching for the entirety of its 85 minutes. Many would consider it "so bad it's good", but I would just classify it as fun. Three overly sexed couples arrive at a mansion for a weekend (there was probably a reason for it, but who cares) along with the young son of one of the women. Well, when I say young...He acts and is treated like he's 10 years old, but the guy looks about 45 (in reality, he was a 26 year old midget - that's him at the top of the post). Anyway, they just happen to arrive after some amateur archaeologist has awoken a slew of zombified mummies from a cave (which dominoes somehow into random buried bodies also rising from their graves). The zombies slowly corner the guests into their house and narrow the field one by one (including the two servants - who still serve them drinks after the zombies have started attacking). The gore is plentiful and gooey - I swear these zombie dudes are chowing down on raw chicken with ketchup - and the zombies are quite well realized (and damn gross with their green bile and maggots spewing forth from every orifice). It's ridiculous, but I dare you not to enjoy it. Creepiest moment of the whole film: forget the zombies, it's when Michael (the young boy) cuddles up to his mother and wants to not only suckle at her breasts, but also tries to put his hand between her legs...OK, so it ain't all gold, but damn if that wasn't a bit unsettling.

The Uninvited (2009 - Charles Guard, Thomas Guard) - Essentially a remake of the well-loved Korean Tale Of Two Sisters - and now that you know that, there isn't much reason to see it. Well, it's not actually that bad and has solid performances and some well shot scenes, but with the twist out of the picture much of the film becomes rather irrelevant. After spending almost a year in a mental hospital after the death of her mother in a freak accident, Anna moves back home to find her father has now officially shacked up with her mother's caregiver. Her Dad remains rather oblivious to everything, so that leaves her sister Alex as her only true confidante. Anna (played by Emily Browning) isn't exactly a fan of Dad's new girlfriend (played in nice evil-godmother fashion by Elizabeth Banks) and starts to think that maybe her Mom's death wasn't an accident. There's not as much tense atmosphere as there really should be given the ghosts that Anna keeps seeing and the way the plot spools out, but it's decently constructed nonetheless. if you haven't seen its Korean antecedent, then it may be worth a watch. If you have, it really won't make much difference to your life either way if you see it.

October Horror 2012 - Chapter #6

For today's lesson...


The Mummy's Hand (1940 - Christy Cabanne) - A poor cousin to the Universal Monster classic The Mummy, this short cheapie may lack in characters, story and humour (not that it doesn't "try" to be funny), but there's one thing that it has in spades in comparison to its older relative - an actual walking mummy. And a beady hollow-eyed one at that. Not that it makes this film any better than its parentage, but it at least helps its bland beginnings become somewhat more entertaining in the latter part. Less a horror film and more an action/adventure flick, it's a reasonable watch and fairly inoffensive (except the attempts to be funny) as two archaeologists find a clue to the ancient Ananka's hidden tomb. A magician who funds their trip joins them and brings along his beautiful daughter. The four of them must contend with a high priest and his zombie-like mummy who guards the grave. There's little more to the razor thin plot, but at least it goes about its business quickly and probably provided for a bit of time-wasting fun for kids back in the day (and possibly even today if they aren't too jaded).

The Curse Of The Crying Woman (1963 - Rafael Baledon) - The dubbing is horrible and the DVD is a mix of grey and light grey, but this Mexican take on the "evil family curses reaching down the generations" genre is far better than you ever might imagine as director Baledon fills the movie with some memorable images and creepy scenes. Amelia is visiting her aunt by invitation for the first time in many years, but in standard horror movie fashion none of the townspeople want to go anywhere near her aunt's mansion. Turns out they're not so dumb, since auntie has plans for Amelia. Before the stroke of midnight on her birthday, the curse will take affect and she will help reawaken a witch from years of decomposed sleep. Amelia's constantly cigar chomping new husband is also present and relatively useless in helping her even if he is clearly about 20 years older than she is (one can only imagine Amelia has some father complex issues to work out). It's a breezy 74 minutes and despite some blathering about the history of the curse and maddening plot elements, it really does kinda fly by with some well deserved minor scares and, my favourite word in horror, atmosphere.

The Convent (2000 - Mike Mendez) - Combining both the best and the worst of 80s horror, Mendez's The Convent is both highly entertaining and painfully cringe-worthy - sometimes at the same time. With a look inspired by the day-glo 80s and a feel of videotape, its use of lots of practical effects and cheeseball special effects plunge it all into a style that is lively and fun. It easily stands out from those older titles by having decent actors spout the dialogue - in particular the two female leads (the goth girl and her former best-friend-now-hanging-with-the-cool-kids) since they have an ease with their characters and allow the silliness to happen naturally through the circumstances. The group break into an old convent for spray painting fun , but run afoul of some devil worshippers and nun ghosts. Of course there's some backstory as to why the ghosts are there in the first place and that's when Adrienne Barbeau comes in. Clearly having a ball with it, she returns to the scene of an earlier traumatic event and helps mow down a variety of demonic beasts who have begun taking over the bodies of some of the kids. The flipside to all this fun is that some of the humour is grossly overplayed and accompanied by the odd choice of breakbeat techno music (ala The Prodigy) especially during randomly sped-up scenes. Without some of those baffling choices, the film could've been a full-tilt good time. As it is, it's still a surprisingly enjoyable and goofy ride.

It's Alive (1974 - Larry Cohen) - After this and Cohen's other October Horror entry God Told Me To, I may have to delve into the rest of his filmography (Black Caesar, Q and so on). Both films have a knack for creating a tense experience without ever drawing attention to how it's being done. In regards to It's Alive, one of its best weapons is the deformed killer baby (note I said killer baby, not baby killer) that is kept in the shadows and just off screen for much of the movie. The quick glimpses of portions of this mutant being allow you to visualize its entirety, but keeping it absent for most of the time also keeps you on edge about what it might do next and where it'll pop up. There are hints as to why Frank and Lenore's baby is born fully-formed as a bloodthirsty killer (environmental issues, prescribed drugs, etc.), but as horrific as those ideas are, the worst is the thought of being a parent and knowing that you need to destroy your own flesh and blood. No matter how ugly and vicious it may be (and I'm talking about objective ugliness here...). Not the gorefest I expected and I'm quite glad to once again have my expectations shoved to the side. John P. Ryan plays the Dad at vein-popping intensity for the majority of the film and is a delight to watch.

October Horror 2012 - Chapter #5

Batten down the hatches and prep for battle - the horror is among us again...


The Hole (2009 - Joe Dante) - Part of me thought this would be a great "first" horror film for my 12 year-old. The characters are likeable, the pace is solid, the gore is minimal and the scares come from empathizing with those characters - not just from random jump scares or loud noises. Having said that, it's pretty disturbing - both within individual key scenes and viewed as an overall concept. A hole in your basement that will bring your deepest darkest fears to life which you must face in order to survive? A hulking zombie-like father who used to beat his family regularly and still keeps track of where they move? Now there's a film that understands something about what can scare a kid...It's pretty entertaining too since they keep the mystery alive long enough and create some engaging moments and dialogue between the two brothers and the girl next door. And you also get Bruce Dern and Dick Miller popping up briefly to lend Dante a hand (which they do with ease). If the payoffs to the stories don't quite hit with force or perfect accuracy, they still hit. It's a shame this 3 year-old film never really got the wider audience it deserved. I'd even go so far as to say that I would be curious to see it in its 3-D incarnation because of Dante's grasp of how to entertain an audience.

Cabin In The Woods (2012 - Drew Goddard) - I guess I've missed the window for any real discussion of this film - since I get the feeling EVERYTHING has already been covered - but even though I greatly enjoyed it (I fall squarely on the "pro-Cabin-In-The-Woods" side of the divide), I don't know how much I would have wanted to add to the conversation. I mean, it knows exactly what it's doing and does so in wholly effective ways. I liked the performances across the board, felt every scene with Jenkins and Whitford was a winner and enjoyed the different uses (and meta-uses) of the horror film conventions - like the brief takes on foreign horror, the calling out of stupid decisions ("no wait, we should split up...") and sudden changes of character to better fit stereotypes. I can certainly see complaints about it not being as clever as it thinks it is, but it sure felt at least as entertaining as it thinks it is. As a bonus, even if this were just a straight-up kids-in-a-cabin-in-the-woods horror film, it would still be a huge cut above many simply because the 5 main actors come across very well, remain interesting and even somewhat sympathetic. And can I just single out Kristen Connolly here for a second? Not just because she is incredibly attractive, but, well, she really is...

Omen III: The Final Conflict (1981 - Graham Baker) - A step down from the previous two Omen films in all kinds of ways, but mostly in tone. Not only does it never quite reach any of the consistent spookiness or dread of numbers 1 and 2, but it seems to waffle between purposely overblown cheese and deadly serious religious conviction. This certainly isn't Sam Neill's finest moment either. I initially thought - at least from my vague memories of its trailer and Neill's mug on the DVD cover - that he was a great casting choice to play the fully adult Damien Thorn (now an ambassador to the U.K. and able to command an audience with the U.S. president). But he lacks the evil confidence and the natural charisma this character should have evolved to by now. There are far too many pauses for expressions and darting of eyes to take him seriously as the spawn of the devil. However, it does manage to hold together - even after some ridiculous astronomical evidence of the looming arrival of The Saviour - as Damien sets his disciples the task of killing all babies born on a certain day in a certain region to ensure that the Christ-child will not get in his way. Meanwhile he must avoid the seven priests trying to kill him using the set of seven daggers that are the only thing on Earth that can harm him. It never quite lives up to its promise though. But I do love that ironing scene...

Chained (2012 - Jennifer Lynch) - As evidenced by each angle, frame, and morsel of information delivered, there's no doubt that Jennifer Lynch has a steady eye behind the camera and full control during the entirety of Chained. For the longest time, though, the real mystery was why she decided to tell this story of a man who, while imprisoning a young boy for almost a decade, picks up single women in his cab and brings them home to be murdered. The dark, disturbing and depressing nature of everything is the obvious attraction for a Lynch family member, but where was this going? The women have everything stripped away from them and are dispatched quite horribly while the boy has no way out. However, it does eventually become apparent that a major theme is how the brutality of fathers towards their own sons can lead to violence against women. An interesting premise, but it doesn't quite fully manifest itself here. I'll admit, it kept my interest because I not only wanted to see what it was trying to say, but was also fully hoping for the escape/revenge of the boy. Not at all an easy recommendation, but certainly effective in creating feelings of unease and vileness. By the way, the secondary mystery of why Vincent D'Onofrio was speaking with that strange accent/impediment/affectation may remain unresolved...